My Pokemon Emerald Game
by bunnyluv2534
Summary: The laws of physics in Hoenn are ridiculous. Skit/Parody of the Pokemon Emerald game, and most of it is true. Join Ur Face -yes, she's really called that- and her Torchic Mr. Bean, on a cracked journey through Hoenn, catching Pokemon and failing at Gyms.
1. Ur Face

**My Pokemon Emerald Game: Chapter One**

**AN: I thought that I'd treat you to my Pokemon Emerald Game. Everything in this is TRUE (apart from certain things my character says), and I think it shall be funny.**

The truck slowed and halted. I heaved myself up from the floor using a box containing my dad's prized handkerchief collection and hopped out of the door, groaning from my bumpy ride.

Why on earth did the Health and Safety rules of the Poke-Moving Co. not let you drink Soda Pop with a straw, but let ten-year-old children get tossed about like rag dolls with the luggage without a seat belt?!

My Mum came out of the house and smiled at me.

"Hello, Ur Face!" Sigh. Were my parents drunk when they named me?

"It must be tiring riding with our things in the truck..." Too right. "...but now you get your own room! Come and see!"

Yayzers. A room of my own just when I'm about to travel Hoenn and not use it for about three years. Great timing.

"Where's dad?" I asked as we walked through the one living room/kitchen/dining room and up the stairs to my new room.

"Getting his Gym in Petalburg set up, honey. He bought you a new clock as well, why don't you go and set it?" and with that my mum trotted down the stairs and left me in my new room.

Ugh. Pink. I walked to the clock and set it, before sitting at the computer and getting out a Potion. I never got how they just materialised out of the USB port.

As I entered the living/dining/kitchen room again, a large exclamation mark appeared over Mum's head (the laws of physics in Hoenn are ridiculous.) as she saw me. She was standing in front of the TV, which was flashing. Nice. A dodgy TV, too.

"Ur Face! Ur Face! Dad's on TV!" I groaned inwardly at the repetitive use of my ridiculous name and trotted to the telly, where a fat man with a microphone was saying that this interview came from Petalburg Gym, before the screen went blank. Mum sighed.

"Too bad, you missed it. Anyway, one of Dad's friends lives in town, why don't you go and see him?" Coincidental that he also happened to be the Pokemon Prof of Hoenn as well.

As I turned to go, a thought occurred to me, and I turned back to Mum who had sat down at the table.

"Mum, where's your bedroom? And where's the bathroom?" Mum shrugged and sipped some coffee, and I strode out of the door shaking my head.

I immediately came into Littleroot Town and looked around.

I think I'll just walk into that house over there, I thought, walking about a metre to the house next to ours. Littleroot Town consists of a lab and two or three houses. IT IS NOT A TOWN.

I walked through the door and came into a house exactly like ours except the Vigoroth putting our stuff away weren't there and it was the other way around.

An exclamation mark appeared over the woman sitting at the table's head, and she walked up to me.

"Oh, you must be Ur Face! My son was looking forward to making a new friend. My son is upstairs, I think." she said, before sitting back at her table and drinking a cup of tea.

What is it with mums and drinking stuff?

I walked to the stairs and up them, and immediately came into a large bedroom, which I assumed was the boys'.

"Ooh, a Pokeball!" I spied the red-and-white ball in the middle of the rug (which was blue, lucky little--), and touched it. As if it was a trigger, the boy came in and ran up to me.

"Huh? Who are you?"

"Ur Face."

"?!"

"...that's my name. I think my parents were a bit out of it when they christened me."

The boy gave me a weird look. I couldn't blame him.

"Okaay... so you're Ur Face. And your move was today? I'm Brendan. Nice to meet you. Hey, if you don't have any of your own Pokemon then I could-- oh, no! I forgot, I've got to go and help Dad catch some wild Pokemon! See you later!"

Brendan then ran down the stairs, and I followed him down the stairs and out of the door, where I looked around and decided that I would like a walk to see the surrounding area.

I walked to the forest path and stood next to a small girl, who looked worried.

"I can hear noises! It sounds like someone's in trouble, but I don't have any Pokemon! Will you go for me?" I snorted.

"I don't have any Pokemon either, shorty," I said, but still walked into the clearing where there was a bag, and a man and a Zigzagoon who appeared to be playing a game.

"Help!" Panted the fattish man, as he was backed into a tree by the snarling dog thing.

Some game.

"Look in my bag, you'll find a Pokeball!" Actually, I found three.

I took the one with a flame pattern on it, and tossed it at the Zigzagoon.

CLUNK.

The Zigzagoon dropped to the floor, out cold with a Pokeball to the head. The man rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Ah. I knew I shouldn't have left that toy Pokeball in my bag," he said, staring for a minute at the body of the Zigzagoon before kicking it behind a tree.

"Anyway, why don't you come back to my lab?" Oh, so convenient. This man that I had saved just so happened to be Professor Birch, my dear dad's best chum.

"Whoa! What just happened?!" I cried, after a small black flash and had found that I was now inside the lab.

"Teleportation device, quite simple. Now, as thanks for saving me, here's your Pokemon!"

He held out a Torchic, which cheeped up at me. I stared at it for a few seconds before looking at the Professor.

"Don't I get to choose?"

"Nope."

"Okay," I said with a shrug, picking up the Torchic.

"What are you going to call him?" Professor Birch asked, and I grinned evilly.

"Mr. Bean!" I cried, and the Torchic facepalmed.

And Mr. Bean he was.


	2. Battles

**My Pokemon Emerald Game: Chapter 2**

**AN: Please review!**

"_I think that you should go see Brendan."_

"_...no."_

"_Don't be that way! Get him to teach you what being a trainer is all about!"_

"_...fine."_

"_Great!"_

_----------_

"Okay Mr. Bean, let's see what moves you have." I said to my Torchic a few minutes later outside Prof. Birch's lab.

"Chick! Torchic!" Mr. Bean chirped sweetly. _"If you call me Mr. Bean again, I will slice your throat open."_

"Species: Torchic. Level: 6. Personality: Quirky. Moves: Scratch, Growl."

Woo hoo. My Torchic was quirky and had two moves. A great start to my training career.

"Right. Let's go train for the battle against Brendan!" I said to Mr. Bean, who cheeped and trotted beside me as we started walking back up to the forest path. We were interrupted however, when mum ran up to me with a pair of horrible sneakers.

"Oh, what an adorable Pokemon! Did you--"

"You do this later, mum." Mum looked puzzled before gasping and dashing back into her house.

I shook my head in exasperation as I walked into the forest, Mr. Bean by my side.

Plot ruiner.

--------

Several Poochyena and Zigzagoon later, Mr. Bean was level ten and had, as well as scratch and growl, focus energy (pointless) and ember (finally! a good-ish move!).

As we entered Oldale Town for about the fifth time, I got harassed by a salesman off whom I nicked a potion (eh, they were giving them out anyway), and pushed around by some weird scientist guy obsessed by his own footprints.

We entered the Pokemon Centre and walked up to the pink haired, pink faced Nurse Joy.

"Welcome to the Pokemon Centre! Would you like--"

"Yes, of course I would like my Pokemon healed!"

"Of course,"

She took my Torchic, put it into a machine and then took it out again.

"There you are, good as new!" she said, as I grabbed Mr. Bean and skedaddled. Brendan, here we come.

"Ooh, a Wurmple!" I said sarcastically, and Mr. Bean torched it.

"Yay, level 11!" I said not sarcastically, and Mr. Bean cheeped happily.

"So, it's this one and that one that live on Route..." an exclamation mark appeared over Brendan's head and he turned to face me when I tapped him on the shoulder.

"Oh, hi Ur Face! Ah, dad gave you a Pokedex! Well, I'll show you what being a trainer is all about!"

Ooh, my first battle. This should be interesting.

Brendan made a seriously over exaggerated Anime style pose thing before finally chucking the Pokeball. It bounced off a tree before opening to reveal...

"Mud... kip!" the Mud Fish Pokemon squeaked/chirped happily, and I once again wondered why so many people were obsessed with Mudkipz.

"Die, Mudkip. No one can withstand the mighty might of... Mr. Bean!"

Mr. Bean cheeped as fiercely as he could before toddling onto the battle--... well; it was a strip of dirt with footprints all over it.

"Mudkip, tackle!"

"Mr. Bean, dodge it and smash its head in!"

"Wait, that--"

"Chic chic chic!!" (_Die blue fish thing!_)

"Kipkipkipkipkipkip!" (_Owowowoowowowowowow!_)

Yay! My first battle victory!

Brendan wordlessly returned Mudkip as I hugged Mr. Bean.

"That wasn't a legitimate move." he said, and I stuck out my tongue at him.

"Ruiner. Anyway, I won!"

"Grr. We should get back to dad's lab..." he growled before jumping down a ledge and running off.

I looked down at Mr. Bean who shrugged, before I picked him up and scooted after Brendan.

Hooray for illegitimate Pokemon battling!


End file.
